For the Lovers, Mothers and Stalkers

 

Well my blog has almost reached 10, 000 views so that's something.

I would like to think that it's all of my ex-boyfriends that dumped me and are obsessively snooping to see what they missed out on.

Check this out!

This way, when people meet me in real life they be like "Dang, she looks good." Try your best not to get lost in my multiple chins.

I am doing pretty fantastic. No, I didn't make it to New York to do comedy and be besties with Amy Schumer and Mindy Kaling (I think I would be more of a fit for Mindy) but I am thinking about making a high school/community Improv group in the next year so in yer face alternate universe!

My dreams are slowly becoming dangerously realistic.

On a totally random note, last year I showed my 89 year old Grams how to take pictures with an iPad. I think that will definitely get me a pass into VIP heaven.

Isn't she the cutest thing?

We have been living in small town Alberta for 6 months now and there have been lots of good things happening and some bad. But mostly good. The bad have been more like, Did that just happen? And then take a few showers full of self-reflection and observational analysis. And by shower I don't mean in a figurative sense, I mean showering, hair on the soap, legit in the bathroom showering. That is where (like many others) I have my most brilliant moments of discovery. Even if it's like "How long has that patch of hair been growing on my foot?"

CON: Being a vegetarian (pescatarian) in a small town means not only do the people we associate in church think I am a weirdo/borderline lesbian for my alternative lifestyle choice but so does 99% of the town. I probably check out women more often than I check out men and my first confusing crush was David Bowie's character from Labyrinth....   

RIP, my love.

PRO: Big Dragon can walk to work and come home for lunch (CON: I have to actually make lunch)



CON/PRO?: Forget the theory of Six Degrees of Separation, where we live the most you can make is like two. I went to the post office to mail a letter to our snowbird neighbors and the lady working there, no joke, looked down at the envelope and then at my face with "Who are you?" as the first thing that left her mouth, accompanied with a stone cold expression. I should have extended my hand and warmly said, "Hi, I am Abby and what, pray tell is your name?" Yes, do please read that with a Southern accent. Although, yes, it does make less sense in this situation. She is our neighbors daughter and felt threatened by my letter (and obvious cuteness factor?) Then I felt the need to explain everything and that I wasn't committing a form of elderly abuse and started talking way too much. All this for purchasing an American stamp. Stupid USA.

 PRO the library can order-in any obscure title. CON: there aren't any machines to check out my obscure titles so I am forced to make small-talk with the librarians upon EVERY item that I check out. I am not talking Kamasutra type material but it's like, Man Librarian says "Oh, this looks like a new item" reads title of book. I say, "Ha ha, yeah couldn't wait to get my hands on that. Gotta love Amy Poehler." And then I get judged on my girl crushes again. I just can't win.

PRO: Spend WAAAY less than I would at stores. "I am going for a night out!" and exit the door and peel out like a pimp in my minivan means that I am gonna go spend $20 at Dollarama.

CON: I am able to justify on-line spending WAAY easier.
 
So there you go blogger universe. Yes, you random person reading my blog in Israel, ex-boyfriend stalkers, family scattered across Canada (and USA, I guess I have to claim you guys too). That is what it is like to live in smalltown Alberta.  Excuse me while I go climb up a water tower to paint a 3.048 meter heart.

Imagine I insert a beautiful picture of myself here.

I would look through my albums, but who has time for that shiz anyways?